A Letter to Bella from Edward - The Ride by aylah50

The Ride by aylah50
Chapter 14 - Everybody Hurts

December 18, 2009



Dear Bella,



I’m writing this card in the company of a bottle of whiskey so I’m not sure how much sense I will make, but hear me out please?

By now hopefully you’ve heard the messages I’ve left on your voicemail, but if you haven’t please know that I am so, so sorry for what you saw last week. I know how it must have looked but please trust me when I say that there is no one but you in my life.

You’ve opened up to me; you’ve shown me so much of your past and your pain. But I was too scared; I didn’t have the courage to tell you about my past failures…about Tanya. I’d rather tell you the whole story in person but please believe that she means nothing to me!

When you left my apartment I ran after you, but I couldn’t find you. If I could, I would have walked the streets of Queens looking for you, banging on every door.

Please come back to me. Just give me a chance to fix this. Please take the key to my apartment; just like my heart, it’s yours now.

I know we haven’t said I love you yet, so in case you were wondering how I feel….hopefully I’ve got the line right: “I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.”

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I’ll be waiting for you at home.

- Edward

A Letter to Edward from Bella - For You, Anything by parismylove

Chapter 21 Plus que ma propre vie - fanfiction.net

MONDAY - TWELVE DAYS

My Dearest Edward,

I loved you. Do you know that?

Plus que ma propre vie...

More than my own life...

Today is a beautiful day. For the past three hours, I've been sitting here watching you do what you love, in what is probably one of the most beautiful places on the coast of Washington. The sky is clear for once. The ocean is almost serene as it laps lazily against the rocks and sand below. The faces of those around us are calmer than they were yesterday, even Jane's. I don't think she's as mad at you anymore. It's a good day.

I only have twelve days before I say goodbye to you. Twelve days. That will never be enough time to express to you what you have done for me and how you made me feel. I never knew what it felt like to be loved until you loved me. Your unwavering passion and need never ceased to envelope my heart in bliss. How could I have possibly shown you that much love in return in our short time together?

I had to do this, Edward. It was the only way to show you the depth of my love. I had no other choice.

TUESDAY - ELEVEN DAYS

Now I only have eleven days left for you to feel my love. Yesterday you agreed to let me go with Rosalie, Alice and Angela to Port Angeles on Friday. You will never know how much that meant to me. I know it was one of the hardest things you've ever had to do; to put trust in me when this situation was so out of control. But, I needed this.

Alice has been my best friend since kindergarten. I remember the first day like it was yesterday. Walking into that large room was the scariest moment of my existence to that point. My mother would be leaving me there for almost four hours with my teacher Ms. Cope, whom I'd only briefly seen at kindergarten round-up but was too shy to talk to, and then a handful of children that I'd never met.

Mom had bent down to my eye level as soon as we walked in the door. She said, "You're not an ordinary five year old, Bella. You're extraordinary. This is the first step in finding out what you can do. Don't be afraid of it. You have a creative, intelligent mind beyond your years, and this will help you express it in a fun and exciting way. Now, go make friends and be extraordinary. I'll pick you up after school is over and we'll go get ice cream and talk about what you did."

After her kiss on the cheek, the teacher took my hand and sat me down at a small desk toward the back of the class. The first thing we did was take roll call. Ms. Cope said, "Mary Brandon," and nobody responded. "Mary? Is there a Mary Brandon in this room?" She looked around and her eyes fell upon a little girl in the front row with short dark hair. She was almost half my size and barely taller than the chair she was in. "Dear, I think you're name is Mary Brandon. Am I right?"

The little girl looked confused and said, "No, my name is Alice Brandon, lady." The entire classroom laughed at her except me, and she blushed in embarrassment. She slouched down in her chair to hide herself even more. When the teacher got to my name, she asked for "Isabella Swan," and I decided not to answer. "Isabella, I think that's you in the back." She was pointing at me.

Alice Brandon looked up and followed her finger to my face. "No, my name is Bella Swan, lady," I said with a nod of my head. I was just as stubborn then as I am now. Alice smiled at me, and I smiled at her, and the rest was history. From that first day on, we huddled in the corner on a beanbag chair while I read her a book every rest period with our milk and graham crackers. She was my best friend, and I was hers.

There are two things I want you to give her for me.

First, if you don't want to sell it, I would like it if you could give her the diamond and tourmaline necklace. She's loved it since she saw it, and just like I carried a piece of you and my mother with me every time I wore it, she can carry a piece of me with her.

Second, please give her the children's books that I have in my library – the ones that my mother used to read to me. Brandon will be starting kindergarten soon, and I want her to have those so she can read to him every night.

I guess, can you do one more thing for me? Tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry.

WEDNESDAY – TEN DAYS

It's raining again, and it's not supposed to stop. Maybe it's a sign of what's to come. I don't know. Ten days, baby. I only have ten more days with you. I find myself afraid to go to sleep after we make love and not because of the dreams. I know that when I wake up, it will be one less day that I'll get to see your face. Despite how I've known this was what I had to do, it's getting harder to wrap my brain around it. Please forgive me.

I need to continue on with stories on my friends today.

Rosalie Hale was one of those girls that was destined to be popular. She transferred to our school when she was in the fourth grade and when Alice and I were in the second grade. Rosalie commanded a presence from the second she stepped foot in our halls. The boys worshiped at her feet, and the girls longed for her hair and clothes.

Then you had me and Alice. Tiny brunettes with pale skin and knobbly knees. The epitome of not cool. Rosalie had never spoken a word to us until one day when we were in the hall walking back from recess and were being bullied by two boys that were in her class.

"Hey!" she'd yelled down the hall. "Step away from those girls or I will jam my slap bracelet so far up your butts that I'll pull it out your throat and then slap it on your tongues."

Alice and I stood there, kind of scared of her more than the boys that had just run away, while she walked up to us.

"Cute scrunchie," she said, pointing at my hair.

"I like your jellies," she said to Alice.

We were a trio from that moment on. She never cared that we were younger than her or had less money or that she was always protecting us. She was our friend.

I would like it if you could give her all of the pictures of us girls that are on the walls and shelves in the house. She took us under her wing as we all grew up, and I'd like it if she had the option of putting them up on her wall at work with all of her "kids." Though she's only two years older than me, she was a motherly figure after my real mother had died. Her strength got me through the days sometimes.

Could you do something else for me? Tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry.

**

You're happy, Edward. I can tell you are when you're working. Your eyes are alight and you put everything you have into each scene no matter how minor or important. Your work is an inspiration to so many people, including myself. I don't think I've ever told you that before. Don't ever give it up. You put your heart and soul into acting, and it comes out so beautifully.

Speaking of things coming out beautifully, I haven't told you about Angela. She came to join us when Alice and I were freshman in high school. She wore glasses, was gangly and carried a camera around her neck. The Algebra teacher had her sit in the available seat right behind me, and as soon as she sat in it, I turned around.

"Welcome to Forks High," I said. "Why do you have a camera, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I just like taking pictures," she shrugged shyly. "I don't go anywhere without it. I'm afraid I'll miss something important that should be captured for the world to see."

"What do you take pictures of?"

"Mostly people but some landscapes and animals. People are far more interesting to me. Their expressions are captivating."

"That's cool," I replied. "I'm Bella, by the way. This is Alice." I pointed my thumb to her next to me.

"I'm Angela," she said.

Two days later when I came into class again, there were two photos, one each on my desk and Alice's. It was the two of us at lunch laughing so carefree and unaware of everyone around us. The lighting in the photo made us look beautiful, something I never saw in myself. Alice, yes. But myself? No. I turned around to Angela who sat quietly in her desk looking anywhere but at me.

"Do you want to sit with us at lunch?" I asked. That's when I saw what she meant about people's expressions being captivating. Her scared, timid face morphed into one of pure joy and acceptance. We were four from that moment on. Four of the best friends you could ever find.

I want you to give her something for me. When I was in the hospital after you found me in the library, she told me that she wanted me to teach her how to play piano. I will never get to do that, but I would like it if you would give her my mother's piano. I hope that her playing will come out as beautifully as her photos. I know it will.

Also, tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry.

THURSDAY – NINE DAYS

What am I doing, Edward? I'm leaving you behind. My father is going to be alone. You both love me so much. Will this break you? I felt like I was taking control of the situation, but nothing seems like it's in my grasp anymore. The way you held me last night... I never wanted you to let go. I wanted you to hold onto me and keep me from doing this. I so badly wanted you to find this letter and stop me. But, I can't not do this. It's the only way for you to live. They'll never stop unless I stop them myself.

In nine days, I will have gone to my father and told him everything that you and I have gone through.

In nine days, I will have left the police station and found James and Jake and told them what I'd done.

In nine days, my life will be over.

You told me I was the bravest and strongest person you ever knew once. Was what I did brave? Was it strong? You're reading this after it's already happened. I don't know what the outcome was after I was taken from this world. Please tell me they were arrested for my murder and will never harm you again. Are you safe and happy? Are you able to fall in love with someone else without fear?

I hope so. God, I hope so. This is all for you, Edward. You need to go on without me. Please promise me you will. My heart is aching with the uncertainty.

Do you think I'm in Heaven? I'm afraid that I'm in Hell like Jake said I would be. I don't want to go there, but if I have to, I will. Please don't follow after me wherever I am.

Will you do something for me? Can you give the paintings of the meadow to my father and explain the meaning behind them? He will be alone, and if he can have those, he will see what a beautiful world this place is even with me and mom gone, and he will have a piece of us with him whenever he looks at them. He will be surrounded by us at all times. It's the best that I can do besides watch over him if I'm in Heaven. I hope that I'm in Heaven.

Tell him that I love him, and that I'm sorry. If nothing else, tell him that.

Over the next nine days, I will be showing you how much I love you with everything that I am. I hope it is enough. I hope you know and can feel it. I hope that you feel me around you now as you read this. I'll always be with you. I'll never leave.

These words are my last that I will ever write. They are yours. My books are also yours. I want you to have every single one of them on every shelf in the store and in my library besides the children's books for Alice and Brandon. Before you came along, I lost myself in the stories to get through the days. They were just words and paper, much like this is, but they held a heartbeat and a life of their own. I was moved to laughter and tears because of those words on paper. They were my soul for so long until I met... you.

You have my soul now, Edward. I don't know if I get to take it with me wherever I go, so I'm giving it to you. I don't want it without you anyways.

I am in love with you, Edward Anthony Cullen. I have been since I first met you. You stole my heart and have kept it safe from day one. You will be the last thing I see before I go. I will think of every moment we have ever shared and smile because I was happy. Don't ever doubt that. I've always been happy. And, in love. So in love because I was loved by someone that was there for me in my darkest hour and brought me back.

Thank you for telling me that you loved me. Thank you for getting me to open my eyes. Thank you for kissing me and dancing with me. I will take all of these memories with me wherever I go. Hopefully Heaven, hopefully not Hell, but wherever I need to go for you to stay on this Earth.

I love you with every ounce of being in me. I'm sorry I lied and have had to let go. Please forgive me. And...

L I V E

Your Beautiful Bella

A Letter to Bella from Edward - Fade Into You by RCD-Alice

Chapter 5 - fanfiction.net

Sept 17, 2008

Dear Bella,

I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you talk in your sleep. Dont be embarrassed. I liked it. It was kind of like learning the inner workings of your mind.

Is your best friends name Jasper? You said it a few times. With a name like that, I would have thought you were talking about an animal, but then I remembered you didn't have one. Don't worry, you will one day when we get our dog.

You should know that I was incredibly jealous the first few times that name left your lips. I know it's not my place and I'm a giant asshole for this, but it's the truth and I can't lie to you. It was easily overcome though, do you know why? You said my name. And then you smiled so sweetly. It was different than the one you used after speaking Jaspers name. I can't explain how, It just was.

You also told me that you were staying twenty-one forever. That made me both laugh and cry, because while I know the significance of why, I suddenly pictured you as one of those women refusing to age past thirty. You know, the ones that have their twenty ninth birthdays like five years running.

Bella, I can't let you go. Please understand that. I know it sounds weird and yes, possibly a little bit creepy and stalkerish of me, but I think I've fallen for you. More than I could ever imagine.

Alice and Emmett stopped by today. You don't know them yet, but you will. Remember that 'total douche of a brother' I told you about? That would be Emmett. I guess he's not always a douche. He looked really worried about you and told me all about his 'get Bella better' plan. I think it involved disgusting protein shakes and basically becoming a couch potato or something. Not sure. I honestly tuned him out after about ten seconds after I witnessed the dopey grin on his face. Nothing intelligent comes out of that grin.

I don't think I ever told you about Alice, or maybe I have. That's my sister. She's close to your age. I thought it possible that you two went to school together, but she didn't recognize you either. Knowing how shy you are, my sister could take a little getting used to. She's insane, but totally sweet. She has the energy of a cartoon character, it's pretty humorous sometimes. Shes already decided that you two are going to be best friends. I told her you already had a best friend and she told me to go do something anatomically impossible. I have no idea why. I'll never understand her.

I know I'm rambling, but I don't really have anything better to do with my time than this. Id rather be here with you right now than anything else. Taking what I can get, when I can get it. Yeah, I'm a selfish asshole like that.

When you're better, I want to take you out on a date. A real one with flowers and whatever, where I pay the bill and you just be your gorgeous self. Think about it, okay?

Love, Edward

P.S. Who's Rose? I laughed every time you scowled because I just knew it would be followed by a "Shut up, Rose" Not once was I disappointed. It's funny; I say that to Em all the time.

A Letter to Bella from Edward - The Trick Is To Keep Breathing by McGee42

The Trick is to Keep Breathing - Prologue - fanfiction.net

My Beautiful Bella,

I don't know if you will ever find this, but I wanted you to have some small piece of me with you, whether you are ever aware of it or not. I'm too much of a coward to leave you entirely; hence this letter, the lullaby and the photographs hidden together underneath your bed. Part of me wishes that they are never discovered and the other part, God help me, really wants you to uncover them.

This letter is to explain why I am removing myself from your life as best and cleanly as I can. I hope that one day you will understand why I must do this and be able to forgive me.

On our walk today, I will lie to you, tell you a falsehood that is meant to protect you, but will undoubtedly cause you pain, and thus break my frozen, still heart. I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, infinitely. I will be apologizing to you forever, which isn't nearly long enough.

That this final betrayal of mine will hurt you causes me more anguish than I ever thought possible. And still, I cannot take your life, your very soul, for my own selfish purposes, no matter how much you think you are willing for me to do so. Your existence is my raison d'être, and if you were to meet your end by my own hand then I fear that I would as well.

We cannot continue to hurtle along at the rate we are going, or else you will be underground or go mad like Ophelia and I do not want to be capable of that kind of destruction. Self-destruction, yes, I am more than capable of that, as my brothers would gladly tell you, but I could not bear it if you were caused irreparable harm by my own dark desires. Part of me fears that this is already a possibility, though Alice promises me that it is not so.

Unlikely as it is, you believe that I am not a soulless monster, but to stop your beautiful beating heart would be a monstrous act indeed. I cannot allow this to happen and the more time we spend together, the more intimate we become, I feel my greedy will beginning to dominate my slipping virtue. This is through no fault of your own, darling, please do not blame yourself, but it is solely my cursed weakness revealing itself. I am sorry that I was not strong enough to stay by your side, where I never belonged in the first place.

My heroine, my heroin, you have never seen yourself clearly; please allow me one final time to tell you how perfect you are. Bella, everything you do is exquisite; when you trip over the dust motes in the air or blush in embarrassment over your ʺhuman momentsʺ or bite your lower lip in frustration. Whenever you would do that, I'd wish that I were a man again and could suck that lip into my mouth and salve it with my tongue, God help me.

If only that were a possibility, my love, I would give up everything I have to make that happen. And your scent, your delicious, tempting, totally unique fragrance. With every flip of your hair, I could breathe in great gulps of it, as many as my worthless lungs could hold. It made me want to do entirely unseemly things to you: things that no gentleman would ever do. That desire was almost my undoing, though, thankfully, never yours.

The happiest moments I have ever spent, will ever spend, were with you: in this very bedroom, in our meadow, and you may laugh- oh, I wish I could hear your ringing laugh one more time- even in my car. For once I am glad of my unnatural abilities so that those memories of you will never fade. They are now my most prized possessions. Your sweet scent will stay with me for eternity, and even though I cannot hold onto you or share your sweet, precious life, I will hold onto that.

It was always and only you, Bella, even before I knew of you and your blessed existence. Please know that there will never be, could never be, anyone else for me. When I'm not sure what I'm living for, I see a flash of your brown irises across my mind's eye and I am tied to this existence once more. What I wouldn't give to get lost in the depths of your eyes again.

For the last time, I love you, more than my own life. You may forget everything else but please, never forget that.

I am yours always,

Edward

Wedding Vows from Edward to Bella - Bittersweet Irony by SweetVenom69

Bittersweet Irony - Chapter 9 - fanfiction.net

"My Dearest Bella-Bug,


I'm not sure I have the words to express the feelings and emotions running through me right now. I am going to try my hardest to convey the depth of my love for you,

but always know, that there will never be the correct words for it. It's that immense. I am telling you in the only way I know how to express how much I love and adore you.

Bella... You and I started out as caterpillars, vulnerable and needing shelter from the outside world. Our mothers did their nesting side-by-side as we grew inside of them. Already, before we had met, we knew each other. We loved each other through our mother's love, in their friendship, their sisterhood.

In our infancy, Bella, we played together and grew quickly. Our skin stretched, our legs grew; we became awkward in our adolescence…and yet, we grew closer and closer. I pretended to be grossed out by girls, and you by boys, at some point. I was never grossed out by you. How can you be grossed out by your other half? By the person that makes you feel most complete in this world? It's always been you; we were meant for each other.

As our bodies grew and matured, our relationship began to change. We metamorphosed from an innocent friendship, into courtship, then into love. This is the next step in our life cycle, Bella-Bug, to forever change our lives, and to let our wings spread, and take flight! I am so honored and excited to have you at my side for this day and for the rest of our lives together. You are my butterfly, and your beauty, inside and out, brings me to my knees.

So, Isabella Marie Swan, I take you to be my wife from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to be your faithful husband, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to be inspired. From this day forward, you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my life to keep. This is my commitment to you - made in love, kept in faith, and cherished for eternity."

A letter from Bella to Edward: Fade Into You by RCD-Alice

Fade Into You - Chapter 6 - fanfiction.net

Sept 21 2008

Dear Edward,

I hate to do this, but I’m actually happy that I am leaving before you showed up. I’m very embarrassed and wish that you had never needed to see me in that situation. I hope you can forgive me.

The nurse gave me a package, and she said they were letters from you. When I opened it up I found four separate ones. She then told me that you had been here for three days straight as long as visiting hours would allow.

I don’t know why you weren’t here yesterday or today, but its okay. Its not fair of me to keep you here. You have your own life, your own friends, and you can do so much better than me.

Don’t worry though, I haven’t left alone. Rose and Jasper will be coming to pick me up. They know about you, I hope that’s okay. Rose thinks I’m insane and Jasper wants to spell check your letters, but I wont let him.

There are so many things I’d like to tell you about. Like that I was homeschooled. I made it sound before like I went to school and that was wrong. I shouldn’t be misleading, it isn’t right. I worked with a group and Jasper was one of the other students in that group.

Also, I saw you more than once in that coffee shop. Sometimes I would just stand there and watch you, hiding behind people or the telephone pole hoping you couldn’t see me, I know I’m not the prettiest sight.

When you came to my parents home (which I still have no idea how you found it, you know) and you called me pretty girl, I couldn’t take it. I didn’t feel like you were lying and that scared me senseless.

Please. I need some time now. I need to process things.

So while I did get your letters, I haven’t read them yet. I also don’t know when I will. You have your own life to live, so you should. I promise to take care of myself, but I don’t want you to worry. Worry isn’t a look that is becoming on that beautiful face of yours. Especially when I know I put it there.

I know that if you truly care about me, you’ll understand. Thank you so much for coming to my rescue, though. I shudder to think about what might have happened had I never met you. I’m better now and I’m sorry to have put you through any of that.

Rosalie is here now and she’s tapping her foot ready to leave. Also, Jasper is trying to read this and he just told me that my sentence structure is awful. I have to let him fold this. Don’t ask.

Thank you so much
Bella

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Apparently, Blogger has undergone some changes since I last messed around with background html. So if you would, please forgive our appearance for the time being as we work to get it fixed and looking like we want it too.

Thank You,

Anna & Karie